Has Janet’s boob ruined Oscar night? Maybe the 5-second time delay wasn’t the cause of the dull ceremony and tame acceptance speeches, but rather an emblem of the evening’s lack of the spontaneity I come to love in live television. This was the kind of ceremony the telecast’s producers dream of making - relatively hitch free - and it suffered for it.
Then again, half of the problem was the predictability of the awards themselves. If you’d taken Entertainment Weekly predictions as your guide, you would have missed only three of the twenty-four awards. As deserving as most of the winners were, I think we as an audience were craving a big upset in the Night of the Rings - at least one.
Still there were some highlights…. Sofia’s win and acceptance speech for Best Screenplay, capping off an evening of dealing gracefully with everyone discussing her only in terms of her father despite having made a brilliant movie…. the A Mighty Wind number taking the piss out of the seriousness of the other nominees… Annie Lennox’s grateful acceptance speech…. Charlize’s BF Stuart Townsend serving as great eye candy…. Errol Morris being his nerdy Cambridge self… The ascot-attired Short Animated Film maker thanking his boyfriend…
And the fashions? No real train-wreck disasters, but no memorable-years-from-now stunners either. Apparently, peroxide bottles were in high demand this year with everyone going blonde, including Julia Robert’s bizarre turn in Carrie Bradshaw drag. The spray-on tan was similarly overused; Charlize Theron looked like an Oompaloompa. I thought Patricia Clarkson looked amazing, as did Jennifer Gardner and Liv Tyler (could have done without the choker, though). Renee Zellweger looked like she was wearing a bridesmaid dress. Diane Keeton might have gotten away with the foppish suit without the oversized bowler hat…. Morningcoats - or even just neckties with tux - were in for the men. Regrettably, this rule-bending extended to a lot of black tie on black shirt action. Despite non-bowtie formalwear and stupid wallet chain, Johnny Depp gets points for scrubbing up for the affair - and looking fabulous for 40. And can’t Peter Jackson afford to tailor a fitted shirt that will button at the neck?
Speaking of red carpet, the contrast between the forced slickness of the ABC preshow and the E! red carpet was as striking as ever. When are they going to learn that we don’t want cornball hosts in scripted gags, we want the dish on who’s there and what they’re wearing. Period. I noticed that Bravo was hosting a Independent Spirit award red carpet show with Queer Eye’s Carson Kressley. Whatever fool producer hasn’t realized that the man needs to be hosting the real deal is missing a great opportunity. Joan Rivers’ daughter Melissa is no match.
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