I just returned from a trip to H&M where I was doing my bit for the Cambodian economy and stocking up for the oncoming cold winter weather. Given that the retailer has been complicit in trends that are at best questionable, I thought I’d reflect on the worst fashion trends of late. You can’t periodize fashion trends as easily as music or books, since they don’t have release dates and by the time things filter to my world or to Boston in general, they’re probably gone elsewhere. That caveat in mind, here are a few things I’d wish would go away.
1. Public offender number one: Backdriff. Whereas low-cut jeans seemed to portend the return of a 70s fascination with bared midriffs, the real result has been shirts that ride up to expose the small of the back. It’s amazing how broadly this look cuts — from Ann Taylor-wearing 20-something professionals to tattooed art-school chicks. And I’ve been told that it’s getting nigh impossible to find women’s trousers or blouses that don’t expose the backdriff. Regrettable, since it’s not appealing or sexy. For anyone.
2. Ass-less jeans: form-fitting jeans are one thing, but increasingly jeans are cut without enough room in the ass, so that the pockets end up stretching toward the center-bottom of the butt and the seams on the side are no longer straight. The effect is to make the wearer look like she/he is about to burst out of the clothes. I’ve seen this look on both men and women and in every case it makes them look overweight.
3. Paddington Bear hats: The first couple of these floppy brimmed hats I saw seemed fine and novel. But now they’re everywhere and have the unfortunate effect on infantilizing the women who wear them. Alongside this, I should also mention the ill-fitting, unconstructed cloth caps that are popular among men. They’re supposed to connote golf’s golden age, I think, but are just a hair away from Germany, 1981.
4. Survivor jewelry: First Survivor brought Gilligan’s Island fashion back to life. Then Abercrombie teens adopted it. By the time I first noticed those beaded and shark-tooth necklaces, seemingly every thirty-something gay man in town was wearing them.
5. Burberry plaid: Not new of course, but I spot more and more of the stuff. The scarves are OK, I guess, and MAYBE the umbrellas. But boots? Shirts? Trousers? They’re all in that same plaid and they all spell out their branding more loudly than a DKNY logo T-shirt. And it captures the worst of Boston’s fashion sensibility: a slavish nod to “fashion” while being conservative and brand-conscious.
6. Trucker Hats: The New York Times already made fun of the current Williamsburg (NY) prole-chic in its article on Vice magazine. (see also the great Hipsters are Annoying site). Nothing much to be added there.
7. Wiffles: Again, around for a while, but the unilength style that seems to be the haircut of choice for (white) straight men won’t go away. It’s everywhere, and understandably so — it’s easy to maintain and signifies laidback-ness. Still, even Carson Daly no longer sports the do, and maybe the lads should ask if a proper tapered haircut is really that much trouble.
8. Skinny glasses: This is something I had to face shopping for eyewear this year. Anything remotely fashionable or contemporary tend toward the skinny, rectangular shaped frame. Which works for some people and some face shapes. They make the majority, however, look like complete prats.
Anything I’m overlooking? Add your worst fashion nominations to the Comments.
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